I have the power!!

We know that my little Miss Minnie is an adventurer. She's a curious, loving, and brave explorer. Unfortunately for me, she also has a tendency to get bored easily. So many powerful, creative people do get bored easily don't they? Well, the problem is this...when she's bored, she um....relieves herself. 

Here's the situation. I'm milking Minnie. She's happily munching on the grain I give her, while locked into the stantion. She's so sweet. She doesn't ever fight that stantion. Just stands there, munching. But when the grain is gone, she doesn't have anything to do. What's a cow to do anyway? They eat, sleep and poo. So, when none of the other options are available to her, she poos. But again, I'm milking her. See the problem? Here's an illustration.

Yep, there I am. Right next to the business end of that cow. Luckily, she gives me ample warning. She adjusts her stance, squares her hips, and lifts her tail. As soon as I see any of these signs, I'm outta there. I grab my bucket and run for cover on the other side of the barn. If there's anyone else in the barn I yell "CLEAR". Sometimes I yell "clear" when I'm by myself, just to motivate me to run faster. AND I don't come back until the coast is clear. But guess what? The coast is not clear. The coast is covered in poo. Then, I have to start all over again cleaning out the milking area. 

Someday, when I've gotten over the emotional trauma associated with my mistake, I'll discuss how NOT to clean the milking area. (That particular mistake required me to run for the house, undressing as I went, and jumping in the shower quick as a wink, yelling "Don't touch me!!" to the kids. Trauma, I tell you.)

After cleaning the milking area again, and cleaning her teats again, I can get back to milking. But guess what, she's still bored. And there's a seemingly endless supply of poo in my little Minnie. So we go back and forth. Squirt, squirt, squirt, "CLEAR!!", splat, scrape, splash, wipe, wipe, wipe, squirt squirt, squirt, "CLEAR!!"

Since I happen to be full of infinite-resource-and-sagacity, I knew there was a solution to my problem. And now, I jubilantly declare 

"I have the power to make my cow not poo!!!" 

Here's the solution. Simple really, but really awesome. I hide her grain underneath some hay. Remember, she is a curious explorer. So while she plays hide and seek with her yummies, I squirt, squirt just as fast as I can. It takes her longer to eat, and I avoid the "CLEAR", and consequently much of the "wipe, wipe, wipe".  

And that is why I've been singing this theme song all week long.