Bovine Palpation

You heard that right folks. It's actually bovine rectal palpation. Now you're aware of what's in store....you may wish to do some online shopping, or read the dilbert comics instead of this post.

Here goes!

So to start with, let's be clear that I actually didn't quite understand the mechanics of how this worked (as in, which arm goes in which hole) until I watched a friend do it. He's a vet. This was normal for him. (So, every time you take your dog to the vet and come out complaining at the cost, just remember this post. Bovine rectal palpation is normal for a vet. You cannot pay them enough.)

This is actually a legitimate test for pregnancy. Here is a wikihow about how to do this yourself, just in case you're ever in such a situation. It's also pretty good at explaining why in the world I would stick my ENTIRE arm in my darling Miss Minnie's derriere. And it explains it without the poo smear. Watch the video at the end of the page. Very scholarly.

http://www.wikihow.com/Detect-Pregnancy-in-Cows-and-Heifers-with-Rectal-Palpation

Did you know you can learn anything from Google? Yep. I once learned how to break-dance from Google. For real, ask my family. And now you can add rectal palpation to the list.

Guess what makes great lube? Fresh poo! I promise I'm not making it up. 

So here I am ready to dive in. (chuckle) All lubed up and ready to go. 

And here's an action shot. 

It was a very interesting experience. I was able to feel pelvic bones, uterine artery, kidney, and uterine cotyledons. Totally awesome. 

I've got some really great pictures and even some video of me almost throwing up. But I've decided the world at large might not be ready for such footage. If you're super interested, email me, and I'll send you a private link. 

So all in all, very cool. In fact, probably the most adventurous, and amazing thing I've ever done. Ever. And Minnie is still my favorite cow in the world.